That quote is from the book Everything is Illuminated (by Jonathan Safran-Foer), which you should probably read because it’s possibly the most genius thing ever. The quote is true also. Like when I had to pick my sister up from the airport the other day and almost had a panic attack on the Oakland freeways.

After browsing my selected photos, I realize the title is unrelated to my blog. So… you have already seen my father in his youth, and some of you were more excited about it than I would have hoped (*cough* kari *cough*), but he is also quite hilarious/crazy in his ripe old age of 60 (which he says “is the new 45”).

Remember the Unibomber? Ted Kazinsky? This was my dad’s rendition of “Andy Kazinsky.” Yep, I am the fruit of his loins.

Also one time when I was in middle school my sister dared my dad to bleach his hair. And he did. I am actually the fruit of Billy Idol’s loins.

Anyway, I used to live on the north shore of Kauai. I go back usually once a year with the family. This time everybody went. It’s basically the prettiest place in the world. That is subjective. It’s also the wettest place on Earth. That, on the other hand, is not up to debate. I am trying to make my parents let me turn our farm/house into a vegan co-op for a year after I graduate. Who wants to come? Maybe this blog will convince you.

If you fly to Kauai, this is what it will look like when you begin your descent.

Aerial view of Kilauea Farms. Ours is under the red arrow.

This is my house. You might recognize it from the picture I put up on rage of my house during Hurricane Iniki:

It was supposed to be a macadamia nut farm but the hurricane blew away hundreds of trees. Tragic quirk of nature.

But have no fear, we planted hecka avocado trees.

My neice and I collecting avos. Thousands of them just dripping off the trees. They are usually never ripe when I am there in the summer. When my parents go in the winter, they have so many that they start to rot before they can even eat them all. Meanwhile, I’m buying one for $3 at Whole Foods. Whole Suck. Suck Foods.

Jay takes care of our land. He and his little German wife, who is a raw foodist, live across the street on a completely sustainable farm. Their outdoor kitchen is solar-powered, they have a solar-fridge, they have a composting toilet, they only grow edible and construction bamboo, they have every single kind of plant, tree, root, and flower, their house consists of two bedrooms and a central room connecting them, with all the walls as open-air screens, AND their living room is inside an old school bus:

The wheels on the living room go round and round.

My family last summer.

This summer even my oldest sister and my niece came out there from Alaska. My sister put this up on her myspace with a caption that says “guess who’s adopted.” Jerk.

My favorite spot on the island is called Queen’s Bath, prolly for Queen Liliuokalani. It’s a natural pool out on these lava rock cliffs next to the ocean. The huge waves wash pretty cool fish over the rocks and into the pool. And there are always sea turtles swimming right off the cliffs. Best ever.


These are the dry caves. You apparently cannot park in them. There are also wet caves. And also the blue room. Which is this deep, really dark cave you hike down to that is filled with freezing water. You have to swim across the cave, swim through a hole (which doesn’t have much or any breathing room when its been a rainy year), and you emerge in this small cave that is lit up all blue from underneath. Don’t know how. Magic.

This is an ancient heiau. Which is Hawaiian for a ceremonial/hula/ritual platform. It is thousands of years old. It is a flat platform with terracing and ancient rock walls. It is on a cliff at one end of the Napali Coast. My mom has been studying hula for 30 years with a famous Hawaiian kumu (teacher) who used to be the Foreign Minister for the Hawaiian Sovereignty Movement. We went up there last summer with the halau (hula group) to clear out, weed, clean, and purify the heiau.

The view from the heiau.

They had to climb up to the rock wall and gather things that visitors left in the nooks, crannies, and holes in the wall. Tourists accidently wander up here a lot and residents use the heiau inappropriately. We found pieces of cloth and paper, prayers, a necklace, a doll, a bunch of strange and random objects, and a wedding ring and somebody’s ashes. Each item was purified with salt water, had a prayer recited for it, and got thrown over the cliffs into the water.

Kumu Hula. She is not one to be messed with. And also she is the wisest person I know.

Ancient petroglyphs.

Wind don’t even phase her.

Then they did chants and hulas to reclaim the appropriate use of the heiau.

And of course a rainbow appeared at the right moment.

The halau. That’s my mom on the right. Such good colors.

The military helicopters kinda ruined the mood. That’s my dad again.

Me, my parents, rainbows, and unicorns.

It was recently my parents’ 28th wedding anniversary. I asked if, when they met, they were in love. My mom laughed and my dad said “sure.” Then I asked my dad if they had a honeymoon and he said he didn’t remember. “What do you mean, you don’t remember?” I asked. To which he replied, “Gimme a break, it was a long time ago.” Ha.

Yep. It actually looks like that.

hope you enjoyed. let’s all move there. bye blog.