Ashley left me. She moved back to Santa Cruz. Unacceptable. Before she left it was her birthday.

Also unacceptable.

Make a wish!

It came true. My boobs did get bigger.

Alex came to visit. Hallie pinned him down and spit on him.

And rubbed her sack on him.

Marriage material.

Chelsuck came home. And Mikey is the cutest ever.

Then Nicole came home all Thailandpunkrockhiphop.

Also Ilya came onto the scene. He REALLY loves blogs but doesn’t have one of his own so I made sure to take a nice picture of him and blog it.

So Bryan made the huge mistake of leaving me and Chelsea unaccompanied in his room when he went to work. So we tried on everything he owns and did everything he does just to see what a day in the life of Bryan is like. We made sure to keep our pants on underneath everything because we all know Bryan does not wear underwear. Bryan don’t be mad, we folded everything and put it back exactly how we found it. At right angles too.

Bryan’s swimming shorts hardly fit over my thighs. Highly upsetting. But I look good in the rest of his clothes. Maybe I should get a fixed gear.

Bryan’s favorite magazine.

Just working on the website.

Now tell me that’s not Bryan. Hey Bryan, maybe you should bleach your hair- your clothes really look good with platinum. Thanks for hanging all the shoelaces on a nail by the door so they were easy to find.

Can’t even tell the difference.

Oh and also the macadamia nuts I brought Bryan from my Kauai farm spilled onto the floor and formed a heart! All on their own. So I put Bryan’s old schools next to them and recorded this supernatural occurence. Just like he would want.

EMMY IS HOME, bitches. Yep. My freckled alabaster wife is back from Italy. Now everything can go back to normal. Normal, normal normal…….

bye blog. or should i say: love, bryan.