the past

well if hallie and alex are gonna post old shit, then i am too. i’ve been saving up.

whenever people look at this, they say “oh my god, look at elise. wow, she is so hot. look at her body! elise is the prettiest girl in the world.” then i usually say “hey should i use my powers of invisibility for good or evil?”

this is my favorite picture of hallie ever. to be that bike…

chelsea in a tender moment? stranger things have happened.

that’s more like it.

i know you already saw this in “rage” but the moments during that butt massage were some of the angriest of my life.

i was so addicted to haircuts.

also somebody should have told me that my “fauxhawk” was nothing more than a flock of seagulls. lets call a spade a spade. don’t let me do things like that!

hallie’s 20th birthday dinner. rachael looked mighty fine.

in retrospect, that night was also a lesson on trusting my instincts. bryan introduced us to AK, who he brought to hallie’s dinner. first impressions can actually say quite a bit.

winston used to live down the street from me. classic.

i met nicole anand when she was chelsuck’s roommate in cz last summer. i had a major girl crush.

AK actually managed to capture a cootap mid-slap. meanwhile, bryan managed to be a major creep.

chelsuck is a class act. always.

hallie’s mom is probably the cutest ever. pocket mom.

i think maybe pheromones are released out the top of a woman’s head. mine have an affect on rachael very similar to that of alcohol and a roofie.

hallie just trying to be affectionate. chelsea loved it.

i’d hang that picture up on my wall any day.

hallie knows.

hallie, bryan, chelsea and i went to south park. chelsea kicked a baby in the face. and when it cried, she said it was being a baby about it.

who knew dancing could feel so good?

lookin so good it hurts.

turns out memory lane isnt so much a lane as it is a ten mile uphill hike. phew. bye blog.

Ashley left me. She moved back to Santa Cruz. Unacceptable. Before she left it was her birthday.

Also unacceptable.

Make a wish!

It came true. My boobs did get bigger.

Alex came to visit. Hallie pinned him down and spit on him.

And rubbed her sack on him.

Marriage material.

Chelsuck came home. And Mikey is the cutest ever.

Then Nicole came home all Thailandpunkrockhiphop.

Also Ilya came onto the scene. He REALLY loves blogs but doesn’t have one of his own so I made sure to take a nice picture of him and blog it.

So Bryan made the huge mistake of leaving me and Chelsea unaccompanied in his room when he went to work. So we tried on everything he owns and did everything he does just to see what a day in the life of Bryan is like. We made sure to keep our pants on underneath everything because we all know Bryan does not wear underwear. Bryan don’t be mad, we folded everything and put it back exactly how we found it. At right angles too.

Bryan’s swimming shorts hardly fit over my thighs. Highly upsetting. But I look good in the rest of his clothes. Maybe I should get a fixed gear.

Bryan’s favorite magazine.

Just working on the website.

Now tell me that’s not Bryan. Hey Bryan, maybe you should bleach your hair- your clothes really look good with platinum. Thanks for hanging all the shoelaces on a nail by the door so they were easy to find.

Can’t even tell the difference.

Oh and also the macadamia nuts I brought Bryan from my Kauai farm spilled onto the floor and formed a heart! All on their own. So I put Bryan’s old schools next to them and recorded this supernatural occurence. Just like he would want.

EMMY IS HOME, bitches. Yep. My freckled alabaster wife is back from Italy. Now everything can go back to normal. Normal, normal normal…….

bye blog. or should i say: love, bryan.