I went on a date with my wifey Ashley to Muir Beach today. Leaving my house, dating, the outdoors, curvy roads. All things that make me nauseated.
That says Hanalei on my butt. Thats the beach on Kauai I spent the last two weeks on. I always tell Ashley I dont understand the concept of going to a beach and not being able to go swimming because the water is so cold it’ll make your nipples fall off. Ash tried to convince me that going to the beach in California is ok too. We’ll see.
I tried balancing my yin/yang by balancing some rocks. They kept falling.
We brought a picnic. Sushi.
My wiiife. She is niiiiice. Respect. Buyakasha. Sexy time.
Hiked above the beach to find a place to pee.
Ashley followed me. I guess she wanted to witness me peeing in NATURE. Its not like I’ve never done it before. One time when I was a baby I peed in our pool.
I found a HUGE cave and spelunked. I never thought I’d get to use that verb. Nature is just full of surprises.
If you are single, or not, you should probably date Ashley. She’s hecka hot and a lot of fun. And easy. Just kidding. But seriously. Shit, she just punched me. (but for real she’ll give it up).
Also I ran a marathon on the mountain I climbed. Running=prancing. Marathon=5 feet. Mountain=pile of sand.
Easy McEasyson. She’s so mad at me right now. I should NEVER let people watch over my shoulder as I blog.
I was honestly about to pee myself. So I sucked it up and went camping. I trecked through the desert and finally found a bush to pee behind. Desert=short hike. Camping=leaves touched me.
I rockclimbed down the cliff. In case you havent cracked my code yet, rockclimb=there were stairs. Cliff=dirt pile next to the beach.
You may think we are vain because all we do is take pictures of ourselves. But this lady was having a legit photoshoot. I saw her from afar at first and thought, damn, I’m in the presence of a real model.
But then I saw her up close. Tig ‘ole bitties, sagging knees, and a teeny thong bikini. Add those to the list of things that make me nauseated. Minus the big ‘ole titties. MOTORBOATTTT.
Ash had a jolly time in the water.
She thought I would like this side of the Pacific if I just gave it a try.
She thought wrong.
I was not pleased.
But I perservered, put on a happy face, and looked to see what fear I could squash next. Well, maybe I pouted just a little.
This little boy was so cute, trying to push this log.
His bitch of a sister thought it would be better to push the log while he was on it.
I rode a horse! Riding=heavy petting and kissing. Unfortunately, this equation seems to apply to my love life too.
I gallantly saved a caterpillar from the sand and brought it to the grass. I rode the caterpillar too.
Disgusting. Polluting the beach.
Fucking babies ruin everything. I cant believe I’m a nanny.
Also I rode Ashley. But then again, who hasnt?