I don’t know if you are aware, but my cotton candy machine business is just a day job. My real life calling is to become a totally insane dude.

Surprise! Me and Brian worked really hard and we did it. You know, people were always skeptical, every single step of the way, but we pulled through with MAX effort and we became totally insane dudes. I hope you like that midriff tease, that’s my barely legal pose, because it’s barely legal in some places, namely civilized society. If you want to see more from where that came from, go to www.amishporn.com and go wild, B-A-B-Y!

This is what my sister looks like when she can’t make up her mind as to which beer she prefers to drink on a saturday night. The long and the short is that she drank both. Speaking of drinking, next time you are at a bar, I suggest getting a straight ginger ale, VIRGIN, Baby! They are usually quite syrupy and delicious.

One of the pre-requisites for being a totally insane dude is that you can take fingerboarding to a whole new level. Brian gets all Tollhouse and goes chocolate chips for the Crookie Monster.

Then we put on the Gloria Estefan and he used his hips for this back smith. Basically all we want to do is dance, if you know what I am saying. If you have a sister, tell her that we (I) just want to dance.

We got so crazy ludicrous in L.A. that we took a walking tour of the city’s doorways. We liked this one the best because it is attached to the porch that is attached to the infamous Casa de Krimper. You may have heard of it, it’s a real famous renaissance sight.

Meaning that people from the world over visit to take a photographic record of this renaissance man and his miniature cereal-box-nano.

Yo, L.A. is so crazy that two totally insane dudes can go and get some sweet snacks very late at night at a diner constructed of large-size neon lightsticks and see a mellow guy wearing medieval chainmail and smoking a cigarette as they breeze in the door.

Likewise, LA is so crazy that the real Big Liebowski will entertain you with his sweat and musical talents (including covers of favorites such as “Play That Funky Music, White Boy”) while operating within a portable igloo.

If you are not already aware, totally insane dudes wear totally insane faces at all hours of the day and relax at their ease in the most totally insane poses.

Afterall, when one has become a totally insane dude, a totally insane face is simply a way of channeling all of the totally insane stimulus of the day, including but not limited to imitating Jesus when there is no water present and you are positioned four feet above the ground…in the air.

Appendix A.

Appendix B.

Appendix C.

But I have to admit, sometimes Brian and I just had to chill out, browse around the local thrift stores for used romance novels, and drink barley tea. Because, to be honest with you, it takes a lot out of you to be totally insane all the time, and sometimes there’s a little voice inside you that says, “my little pony, my little pony, my little pony” over and over again, and you slowly realize that in fact it is YOUR LITTLE PONY, and you have to release him into the wild. You have to let him run free. It’s the only way to continue this chaotic lifestyle without a horrible life-threatening accident or impulse buy.

Jackson understands this dynamic perfectly, hence the piece of tanned tiger skin he wore on top of his body for warmth.

But for real, if you want to find your little pony, you have to look for them in places of business after closing time, when they consort with the neighborhood garden gnomes, who are notorious gamblers.

Look closely if you can at the far right hand corner of this picture…What do you see?

Correct you are, wise wonder of the universe! It’s Dylan the gnome transporting his newly acquired winnings to the closest safety deposit box/ gatorade vendor.

When we weren’t looking for our favorite gnomies, Brian Boru and I got to put on our fencing suits and attend totally insane parties in the Hollywood Hills with none other than the illustrious Alex Klein, licensed chai tea maker.

Unfortunately, he spent most of his time on the phone with his agent and his Trader Joe’s account manager, so we couldn’t corner him and ask him questions about his childhood and his thoughts on the issue of jalapenos in contemporary cuisine.

So, to effectively utilize our time at the party, we took a totally insane tour of the house! It was Ya-Ya’s house. She’s the cutie on the right. If you or someone you know is interested in purchasing an awesome chic party dress, you can check out her website at www.yaya.nl or you can browse for slected items at Saks Fifth Avenue, if you have time to go shopping and go back and forth between the dressing room and the full mirror before the Danceaholics Anonymous meeting (call either The Brian or The Cameron for details and locations).

She had good taste in books and art. I liked her Tahitian Babes.

Given that Ya-Ya’s company makes totally insane clothing for gorgeous people and uber-celebrities, Brian Boramha and I decided it was fitting for us to get down to business in Ya-Ya’s creativity chamber and come up with some totally insane new ideas about life!?!?

Honestly, we didn’t get that far in terms of coming up with totally insane ideas of the groundbreaking sort. But we tried really hard.

However, we were able to hammer out this solid declaration: If for some reason, Brian and I have some influence in determining who will be World-President in the case that we all have to leave Earth in a spaceship and find a new planet like on Thundercats, we will vote for none other than Zoe Yuzna, (unless of course we are drugged by fembots in scintillating Olympic downhill skiing costumes and/ or bribed with an unlimited supply of candy, waffles, and French Toast).

When reached for comment on her hypothetical election, Zoe smiled and gave us both telepathic high-fives. She did not, unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you see it, produce a gang of fembots or heavily sugared bribe material.

Another thing that happens when you are being totally insane in L.A. is that you see beautiful things. I saw beautiful things all the time. Like the Taylor Goldsmith Hyperconductivity Project: beautiful.

If you want to hear how beautiful the TGHP is, you can visit his band’s website at www.simondawes.com and trip out while you gaze at this photo of the Grapevine and enjoy your lack of colorblindness.

I’m so good at being colorblind that I missed a slim margin of the words involved in the message conveyed by this sign.

I don’t know much about Phytoplankton, but I love Zooxanthelle. She’s pretty much okay at giving high fives.

So much so that I would have to say my bud Zo Yuzna is totally insane. Enough to be World-President. The song remains the same, sailors. It’s a longstanding profession, and the language is now.