Just So You Know

Yesterday when it started raining in Split I chilled out alone in the bathroom for an hour eating corn on the cob naked.

Barcelona is the best city in the world, even better than New York in certain ways.

That’s where I existed for three weeks in July. What did I do there? Well, if you’re wondering what I’ve been up to, just ask AK. He dreams about me and the internet all day long.

Don’t let this photo fool you; although he looks quite comfortable in his “I’m resting, okay?”-skin here, El Capitan doesn’t sleep much, especially at night. He’s doing stuff while we’re all drooling on ourselves and fantasizing subconsciously about Vikings and orange juice.

Pictured here is my favorite member of the AK family. Nicole didn’t even register a coherent response when asked whether Cameron’s manhood exists in the 21st Century. She just did this laughing thing for a while, and then later I found a note written in her lovely handwriting somewhere in the house. She had scribbled “hot virgin”and then crossed it out and written “ogre-baby: stay gold” and drawn a bunch of stars and @ signs.

Here she is again, writing me a check as a consolation prize for losing an arm wrestling match against Evil Kenievel shortly before I left. I swear he cheated, I was this close to winning, (like this), but I have to admit that no one likes a sore loser who bursts into tears and melts to the floor after a match.

I don’t know if you guys know this dude, but he’s the man with the master plan. I was going to submit this photo to the Perfect edition of Broken Branches, because he’s got such a perfect face, look at those doe eyes, but then Cobra got in the way and foiled my plans. Me and the dudes had to kick some real G.I. Joe ass and then before we went for pizza we taught some middle schoolers how to escape from a burning house.

But it’s cool, because after pizza Nicole taught me how to do the Motorcycle Dance:”Meet me at the mall, it’s goin’ down” we said to everybody and their cousin Kiki.

Apparently Nicole has a better side when she takes photos. I think that’s bullshit though, her and AK are both very pretty all around. She’s a model, you know. Mostly gymnastics gear.

AK and I just found out we are going to be BFF por vida, and then we laughed really hard because neither of us knows how to diet or run backwards extra fast. I was just kidding before, you know you’re my favorite Kib, Angie. Don’t make that face, Nicole.

Very handsome, no? And even in that outfit, it’s like Dougie-Houser Couture.

And Gabe too, I’m constantly surrounded by good-looking people and Cindy Lauper music.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Charles De Gaulle Airport, but it’s the craziest place. Alot of the airport is underground and then when you go to board your plane, you take escalators up to emerge on top of these satellite things that are placed in a circular pattern on the tarmac. It reminds me of Star Wars, and while I was there I kept waiting for the Jawas to come out of the landing gear and I wanted to be abducted by Ewoks.

When I arrived in Barcelona after a two-day Zombie-fest of airport naps and that weird hot and dry feeling you get when you haven’t slept enough or changed clothes, Mr. Logan Yuzna greeted me with a sandwich and his best Venice Beach harsh poses. I met Logi two years ago because his older sister Zoe is one of my best friends. The Yuzna family was very kind to me, they let me stay with them, chill with them, and fed me scrumptious feasts on the regular.

These are views from Zoe