Ah deutschland. Zie Germans may be void of emotion, lacking in any sort of rhythm, and eat way more meat than could possible be healthy for their little aryan bellies but mein gott im himmel they sures knows how to partay.

There’s this circle of bears outside of Humbolt University and there’s one that represents every country in the world. We got krunk with the vivrant thangs with some henny, some swishers, and some listerene strips. Sam and Liza spotted some locals and decided to hide their American identidy by taking a picture next to the Mexican bear. They knew Sam was lying and beat the shit out of him. Arguably the cause of the beating was his religous affiliation and not nationality.

Of course the American bear was the most embBearassing

So we gave it a makeover, even my lil Bianchi couldn’t make the USA bear look any less like a douche bag.

Liza got a little emosh when she saw her motherland bear from the Philipines also known as the Philipenis.

Serbia didn’t get the memo that this was an art exhibit, not target practice for shooting the Croats.

Liza and I both agreed that the love bears were the cutest, perfect for a big bear hug, the securitiy gaurds didn’t think it was as cute and started yelling at us that only monkeys climb things, I think they also threatened to send us off to the camps but I could’ve just made that up.

This guy’s a real hoot. He tried to make out with me but he had just told me he was thirty five, then he started showing me pictures of his 3 year old daughter, real cute, then he showed me his passport and his last name is Rosner… just like me… three strikes he’s hellof out. Good thing he doesn’t know I’m from the south or he might have thought he still had chance.

Riding to the party in style is always a must. Sam’s roomate Jacob didn’t have a functional bike so Nikola rode him all the way there. They only ate shit once and Jacob said his ass has never been more sore. No sexual inuendo’s intended.

We went and saw the producer of Air, frenchman Etienne de Crecy plus Alex Gopher D.J. at this really incredible club. I saw this sign and was inherently drawn to the club and was supremely disappointed when I found out that it was the name of de Crecy’s second album, not a Jews dream come true.

Then we did something I’ve never done before. We went to a different club at six in the morning. These facial expressions cannot even begin to describe the fadedness. Instead of waking up with one stamp impression on my cheek I had two.

Afterwards, a trip to the backery. Literally translated this means baker of fine weiner. I can only dream of being such a talented backer some day. I don’t eat meat, but I sure love the bone.

But these cops love weiner. When I asked the serious looking one if I could take a picture of them he laughed and said incredulously “wit wurst!?” and I was all, oh yes, with wurst is the best. Now, is it cannibalism if a pig eats a pig? Sam and I say yes.

We ended the evening with a little wind down session. We were without paraphrenalia so we were forced to go with a veggie. Constantine is Sam’s cool ass German friend and he was shocked at how refreshing it was. Cool as a cucumber.

Right now these crazy Germans are going ape shit over their 2-0 victory over Sweden. World Cup Blog next time.

Biking accross Europe is pretty much the effing arsome-ist. You meet way more people, see way more sites, and eat way more canned food. Liza, Nikola and I have biked from Paris to Antwerp to Amsterdam and took a train to Berlin where we met my cousin Sam. Here’s what we done seen.

My good friend Gabrielle was kind enough to pick us up from the airport. He’s as french as french can be and you can see the eiffel tower from his apartment.

Paris was tight. We only stayed for a day because we had to figure out how to get to Antwerp without a route and asking directions from people who don’t speak English. Lots of hand gestures, oui oui’s, baguettes, and bottles of wine later we were off! Only we took a highway where bikes weren’t allowed at night and then Nikola’s derailer popped off.

It was fine though cause Nikola converted his bike to a single speed quicker than you can say eat my baguette and just in time for us to find this cozy little campsite. Well actually it was more like the side of the road but for all intents and purposes it worked.

Next stop was Meaux pronounced mo’, birthplace of brie… and these fifteen year old delinquents who smoked us out behind this cathedral on their lunch break.

That night we slept here, no mans land, in Bitz. There was a lot of graffiti on the walls though and I still can’t figure out how a bunch of kids in bumfuck France know how to perfectly spell “fuck your donkey mother”.

Blerencourt was beautiful and we grilled out by this fountain. By grilled out I mean ate spaghetti. These kids were partying in the parking lot beside us and stared a lot. However strange we may have looked in our spandex we had the last laugh because they were the ones listening to Shake Your Laffy Taffy.

Black hands and bean sandwiches

Nobody loves a long hard baguette in their mouth like Nikola does

Mishap number two was when Nikola’s tire came off and he had to bike 10Km to the next town with the wheel on his back to get another one. When he got back we rejoiced by eating a baguette and drinking a bottle of wine. We found a reason to rejoice almost every day.

Velo means ride or die in French

Liza and I love the way black spandex shorts give us a tough edge, and cameltoe.

We always had the road to ourselves, except the time we got lost and ended up on the highway.

This is the smallest roadbike ever and it’s fast too. I had to chase this kid down cause he biked away from me when i tried to take a picture of him. His brother explained to him that I only wanted to take a picture of him but he still looked terrified.

Pierrefonds is cool cause there are a lot of tourists but they’re all French. The avocado I ate there was the worst I’d ever had and it made me puke in my mouth a little bit.

This was in Le Cateau where they play fusball so well that it’s not even fun, it also wasn’t fun because the guy on my team was so drunk he kept spitting and falling into me. But the French call it bebefut which means baby foot and that’s pretty damn cute.

Belgium! I was so excited I decided to show as much cleavage as possible.

Antwerp is where our Belgian friends live. They’re you’re friends too and kind as waffle eating flemmish speaking folk come. Arnie and Koen have already come to America to study Architecture and maintain their celebrity status. Nikola wasn’t paying attention in this picture because he was distracted by all the french fry stands.

If Belgian people don’t give a shit if the paint job on their house is tacky than neither do we.

This ladder led me nowhere but the guy behind me couldn’t stop checking out my sweet Nike dunks.

Bike ganging in Belgium is pretty much the coolest, especially with an escort on a vespa.

Even though they all had exams, Koen, Arnie and Pierric took us to this bar where we drank caipirinas and talked about the time their friend drank a beer out of Koens shoe in Las Vegas.

Arnie was kind enough to share his apartment with us so we took him out to dinner where Nikola ate Kangaroo and Liza told us they throw their fetus’ at whatever they think is threatening them. I wonder if it ever works.

This is a Belgian carnival. It’s exactly like our except with waffles instead of funnel cake and Beergardens everywhere. We went on one ride and Arnie screamed like a girl.

We should all take notes from Fenske on how to party on our one hundredth birthday.

I couldn’t tell if this girl was walking with her head down because she was ashamed that her mother hated her enough to do that to her hair or if she was just trying to get maximum reception in her attempt to contact the outer space.

Sounds like a personel problem

This is cherry beer and the most delicious kind ever. I like it most because when I ordered it and it came in a bottle I could always ask Nikola to pop my cherry.

Koen challenged us when we told him we were going to make it to Amsterdam in two days. Nikola decided that his tatoos weren’t getting enough attention so he decided to put on his terrorist biking fit to enhance his don’t fuck wit dis image.

Liza joined suit.

Holland rocks but we had to take a 10p.m. nap to keep our strength up. I think it just made us want to go to bed even more though. We got to amsterdam in two days so now Koen owes us five hundred waffles.

I got the nicest view but Nikola got the nicest tank tan.

Purtiest sunset I don ever sawd.

Now we’re in Berlin with cousin Sam and ya’ll just wait an’ see what stereotypes lie in store for us here.