I bin missin this blog somethin fierce and missin Bryan has become habitual as well. So when I saw him recently in the big Crapple I decided to bring it back ole school for one hot second. Alls I got are pictorial representations of the dangerous level of awesomeness in mi vida.
Chelsea’s quite the lady. She hates the stench of bongwater and has to block her delicate olfactory nerves when taking huge bongloads straight to the dome.
Before she devoted her life to being a full time academician, Chelsea took me to all sorts of fun affairs, like this veganhippiepotluckpark funday.
The spread was sick and the s’mores sweet. Shout out to senor Wong for actually ordering vegan marshmallows online.
Chelsea- “How is Mike going to have time to eat his s’more when he keeps shimmying up trees?”
Mike Branch (coincidentally named)- “Dunno but check out those quads!”
Megan- Unavailable for commentary
Dismount. Check out those quads.
Had to stop into FLA for a quick checkup. The kayaking was primo on the Redneck Riviera. Story goes some honkey chanced upon the Wascisa River and said “whass iss, a river? and the name stuck.
And I got to see my lil bro at his first job. Pretty buff for someone who looks like my lil sis.
But he shore can cultivate one mean azalea. Love the scrunchie headband combo.
Just kidding, but seriously, my wife is nice, even when she’s being a bad dog. She just photo’s so well.
We recently went to hip-hop in the park which just may be the greatest event ever. All four elements of hip-hop, all in the park, all… free… jesus I have a jewgasm just typing the word.
Murs of Living Legends was there and did you know that man is a lyrical genious?
How can we break up?, when we never broke down
and committed to each other, we was fuckin’ around
That’s how people get hurt, and we both do dirt
Now we could put this all behind us and make things work
Or I could get behind you cuz I like that skirt
Sorry ’bout that, got a one track mind
Atreu was there to school everyone as usual…
Best taggin I ever done seen… do da humpty dumpty, and when you’re done…
I’ve also been teaching a nutrition class in east Oakland. This is Glen and if I had a dime for every time he asked me to be his girlfriend I’d have enough money to take him on a date to Six Flags or something.
My kids are amazing, and not just the way they can contort their faces either. And not the way they can actually tune out anything they don’t want to hear me say, Peanut Gallery steez.
Methinks they watch way too much wrestling.
But often times they’re ability to conceptualize is astounding. Just not when it comes to cutting in line.
Alia came and visited. What a hit! She may have reeked of vodka from the previous nights partying but that didn’t stop her from giving endless horsey rides and then passing out on the counter top.
Daejha, Imani, quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With tears and blows with the garden hose and bean sprouts all in a row.
Holler if you love them veggies. Oh heyyy Mr. Darryl. They may not know that steak and frijoles are not vegetables but at least they can recite which vitamins are fat and water soluble, you know, important shit.
I usually bike the 11 miles to work but occasionally I have the opportunity to hijack a car, luckily not when this gas tank crashed and exploded into flames reaching 200 feet which burned straight through this bridge.
My mom’s cousin is married to the CEO of the second largest commercial real estate firm in the world (got that?) and they were kind enough to invite the more backwoods branch of the family to the their son’s coming of age ceremony also know in Judaism as a bar shitsva. The thing took place in New York and was probably the most fun weekend of my life. Unfortunately this lovely young man was not invited for reasons the temple has not disclosed.
Having the choice to stay at a posh central parkside apartment with my momma and auntie or my cousin Sam’s windowless abode in Brooklyn, I picked the latter. What? his roomate’s best friends is dating Josh Hartnett. Oh yea, and Sam’s one of my favorite people ever.
Mostly because he wears his kuffiyeh (“terrorist dress” in English) with such pizazz.
Brian managed to pencil me into his incredibly congested schedule. That man is a wonder. Two jobs, an internship, and he still makes time to keep up this ol thang.
I would have loved to take a picture of the outrageous vegan deserts at this hidden treasure but I was licking the plate before I had a chance to even think about turning on a camera.
Brian, being one of my more courteous friends, tucked in our phones for a quick nap before the cousins and I had to dash off to a bar shitsva dinner.
Sam, after taking full advantage of the open bar, started showing off just one of myriad talents he possesses after realizing the potential to score a job with some of the big money at dinner.
Did I mention open bar? Free?… ohhhh yeeeea
The theme for the Bar Shitsva party was b-ball and they booked the Nets to come but they had a game or something. So Sam and I took over, ashy to classy baby.
The shindig took place at the top of the Mandarin Hotel and it was amazing. I would write more about it but did I mention top shelf liquor at the open bar? Twas all a wondrous blur.
It was easy to carried away amongst all the flashiness but I stayed humble in that I’m pretty sure I was the only one wearing American Aparrel. I missed the memo reminding everyone NOT to leave their DeBeers at home.
We showed those hired dancers how we do in the bay, just stick a real bill in front of all the monopoly money and the honey’s stick like bee’s.
Sam’s friends Katy joined us for the final hours of the party and the Subway ride home where I had to grab my shit and turn right around to catch my flight. I may have gotten lost and cried and I may have tripped upon entrance to JFK airport but I don’t really remember. Funnest weekend ever.
Now all I have to look forward to is our Gat’er done pool party this weekend. Anyone who got to the end of my novelblog is invited. I wish Bryan could be here but hey, who would go to all those Vice V.I.P. parties. Well, just lookin at that kiddie pool makes me have to pee so until next time, peace.
