I went to Ireland last week to visit my BFFFF who is spending a year abroad in Cork. As I recently remarked to a friend, the following scientific equation can dictate/summarize the happiness of typical Irishmen (or women, since Molly is a feminist) who I met:
God+Booze+Scoring Randoms+Copious Amounts of Delicious Food=Happy Irish Folks.

“Scoring” or “shifting” a random, is Frenching a random person in a club. Frenching in pubs is awkward since they’re too intimate and one needs to be “off his/her face” to divert said awkwardness. If you’re “schtaving,” then you’re hellof drunk in Cork, if you and your friends are drunk but with someone else who is sober, then chances are you all look like a “pack o’ retards” to the sober friend.
My personal equation was: Banoffi (like God, but edible)+Beamish+Bouncers+Molly=Happy Irish Kari.

Approximately 1 hour after I arrived in Cork, Molly had already downed a bottle or so of wine at Rachel’s birthday party. This is my favorite picture of her ever.

I too enjoy myself some wine from time to time.

The UCC campus is straight out of Harry Potter. There is an old church with stained glass windows which is some sort of academic building.

Dead sharks at the farmers market.

Welcome to Kilarney!

We went on a walk through a national park.

Fairies totally live in that tree.

I see this and immediately think “golf course,” but that’s because I’m from San Diego where grass doesn’t exist.


King Ross of Kilarney lives here.

Mr. Blue Sky.

I’m looking at purchasing that island for my weekend retreat.

Trees are nice.

Old Irish people must have been fairly short because there was no way in hell either of us could have fit through the door that was around the corner.

I had just turned the canon into a phallic extension of my manhood via acrobatic poses, and Molly was not impressed.

Grass is nice.

More trees. They’re still nice.

Ireland is extremely colorful. Molly thinks it’s to break up the “monotony of so much green” (is there such a thing?!?!), but it’s totally welcoming in any case.

Molly and Liz and Halley are extremely colorful.

“I have a dick on my face, don’t I?”

Guinness on tap in Kilarney is mighty excellent.

I’m glowing.

I found that drink on the right and decided it would be okay to take since I hadn’t seen anyone date-rape-prep it.

Molly’s roommate Hayley. Totally my favorite Irish person.

Can you guess which one I hit on? Word.

Not a pack o’ retards.

This mostly embodies our friendship for some reason.

“Thank you, Kilarney!” Art by Kari. Ketchup and curry fries by Den and Joe’s.

A different national park on day 2.

There was some straw and a boathouse.

Liz wondered about climbing this roof, but a sedate Molly thought better of avoiding ex-pat accidental death.

This church has a tree in it.

This is Rachel’s backyard full of sheep.

We found some cool murals back in Cork.

OMGZ that is Banoffi pie in the foreground. It’s bananas, toffee, whipped cream, chocolate and a salty-sweet crumble crust. The layers are arranged at the whim of the cafe, but I have to say I prefer this toffee-on-top version. Besides Molly and various cultural experiences, Banoffi was my favorite thing about Ireland.

Whoa shit we found Dementors at UCC. Harry Potter. Kari Potter.

This is Beamish. It’s a nitrogenated double stout that is hellof creamy and delicious. I like it almost as much as Banoffi, and it’s brewed in Cork so you can feel good about buying locally.

This is why I could never live in Ireland for more than a week at a time. Curry fries on the left, deep-fried garlic mushrooms with garlic-ranch sauce on the right.