kari still lived here and the weather was good enough for rompers. the weather right now is getting there. my thighs, not so much.

hallie visited after riding her bike from here to LA for the AIDS ride.

she was pretty bruised up. this better make front page bryan.

chelsea hallie bob sandwich in my blooming yard.

alison and i played some shows. red victorian. myspace.com/chloemakesmusic.

went to see my friend helene renaut play at the edinburgh castle. myspace.com/helenerenaut.

WHAT THE? i know. chris and elise modeled for their friend vintage fashion show/sale. yep, LEATHER short shorts.

you will never see them like this again…because soon they have a wardrobe change.

kari tried on a romper. nothing is better than a romper.

me.

new morning benders style?

living mannequins.

no words. well, a lot of words. but dirty ones.

and then i found a david bowie labyrinth shirt. elise was stoked. or possessed.

my friends jordan and sam came to visit me at my berkeley house.

i said let’s get lunch. sam, who makes a living playing music on the street in New Orleans said he’d have to busk before he could get lunch. so i took them to the farmer’s market.

found a spot next to the guy offering worm tasting.

and they made some lunch money.

my parents put on a house show in their backyard. 50+ guests and an awesome lineup. starting with mountain bride who are like a modern-day carter family. myspace.com/mountainbride. although half moved to nashville since, you can hear their old stuff there.

sara plays the saw like it’s no one’s business. i don’t really understand that idiom. it seems like it’s my business since i’m watching it at my own house.

sam stopped by to play. when he rang the doorbell my mom asked if he wanted to take a shower and then she washed his clothes during the show. jewish. myspace.com/samdoores.

then alison and i played. look at her face!

then everyone came on stage to play We Shall Be Released. my dad concocted that lighting with an old 80s lamp that we haven’t been able to get rid of and some cardboard boxes. he’s exception to the rule that jewish men aren’t handy.

the last harvest from my garden. they didn’t grow very much and they are crooked. yep- they definitely inherited my genes.

then the family went to kauai. on our farm there are lots of communal feasts.

akira pictures are BACK. she may look goofy here but the first time she went to the beach she walked up to the ocean and put her hands in prayer position and bowed. she’s reincarnated for sure.

she doesn’t let the tropics mess with her steez. camo pants and vans.

justin gave everyone on the farm a breakdancing lesson in the yoga room. akira did her own thing.

she always does her own thing.

friends of ours spent the last few years building this island eden. it’s main concern is not with the essentials, but rather with the totally unessentials that make a mansion a mansion.

for example, the pool changes colors every few seconds at night. and when you dive in there is classical music playing UNDERNEATH the water. god, my house blows. all my pool does is serve as a bathtub/toilet for a local pair of ducks. i need a job so that i too can have a house with now seemingly essential unessentials.

our friend vanessa has had 3 kids. THREE. i don’t know what my excuse is. i need a job AND a gym membership.

also the views at that house/heaven are terrible.

and the sunsets are just awful.
next time i go there, i might not come back.

blogging isn’t as hard as i had made it out to be in my head. i’m back.
bye blog
love chloe

these are really old but i have an inability to blog out of chronological order so it’s flashback time. and obviously there is a lot of akira and no time for jokes.

haircuts have changed since circa september of last year. but my love for kari has not.

remember the time rachael and cary moved to spain? that sucked.

then people started dropping like flies. this is cameron’s going away party. rosemary’s hair was chopped soon after.

at any given time cameron was surrounded by like 50 girls.

kari.

quinn used her hair to see what elise would look like with long hair. HELLLooo.

we tried it on emmy too but she just looked like a jew with a bad straightening job.

sometimes we had craft parties. i made a book.

kari made shirts and obscene gestures.

twins.

everyone met up between classes at the local every wednesday. sweet fruit and sweet faces. kari, quinn, cora.

again with the obscenities.

anya at the local.

local ladies.

my friends are pretty blah blah blah. if i don’t get some ugly friends soon my blog will never change.

i used to look like that before i cut my hair. today i look a little like ringo.

alex visited one time and i gave him his birthday present.

he used to give me those grabber things in high school every year. and i always return the favor. the dinosaur ones are new though. how times change. nothing stays the same.

except that my friends are always pretty. boring.

chris and maggie. this picture is amazing.

god chelsea is such a xlushx. ha. when chelsea and i lived together i used to leave her little notes in which i put x brackets on xeveryx xsinglex xwordx. just to xirkx xherx.

chris and joe are always the life of the party.

emily maggie and eli have been sisters since high schools. and pretty since birth.

that’s emily’s dad on the computer screen. we were videochatting with him in japan.

akira came to my house in berkeley!

cutest child ever. akira is cute too.

aki is a surprisingly good photographer.

its like that documentary “my kid could paint that” only akira is actually a genius and she is painting her dad’s paintings, not the other way around.

aki saw that this fern was dying and asked if she could prune it. tummy!

two of my favorite humans drinking tea. huge cup or tiny baby?

triple kiss with aki.

lolo and i made vegan samosas. delicious.

i went to LA and then halloween happened. i was a cat which is odd because i am allergic and also i hate cats.

my sister was a peacock.

a boy peacock though b/c the girl ones are dumb and brown.

akira’s bday is on halloween so there was a massive children’s costume party. if you tell akira to smile this happens. popeye.

this is funny because lisa and steven work at bua studios and bua requires a lot of his employees. overtime.

the babies were all pretty cute and the colors were dizzying.

more.

justin was a mouse. he looked more like a mouse than a mouse does.

sisters.

vegan birds and mice and cats all getting along.

aki and kara.

starfish and stingray costumes.

there was some hired help. otherwise known as unemployed actors.

another customized costume, akira wanted a “mousey-fish.” frightening.

i’m pretty sure this guy was NOT hired to play “fishing for babies.” but he did it anyway.

unemployed actress #4.

there was a bouncy blow up tent thingy. it made me feel sick.

i immediately put my shoes back on but my equilibrium took a while to return.

THREE!

following in her dad’s footsteps.

what if your job was to make these balloon hats? that would rule.

aki and her friend titi.

one of the oscar winners left his costume in the bedroom so my sis and i played dress-up…some more.

baby daddy.

like cinderella. the clock struck midnight and my sister went from peacock to whorecock. french prostitute?

and mousey got tired.

that’s so cute it’s weird.

bua’s best friend ruben. this looks cute but in reality ruben was saying: “ok you draw on THAT side of the line and i’ll draw on THIS side. it’s gonna be awesome.”

her style just gets better every year.

went to a murakami exhibit. blech. but akira liked it.

M Caf

the sizes are a little messed up. oops. ok go.

nothing boosts my ego like watching people read my blogs and laugh. emmy and sam happen to be pretty whilst doing it.

oh yeah and then there’s kari when she reads them.

this is what happens when i let kari or emmy borrow my camera.

joe’s vagina.

got my camera back.

so i could shoot THIS. amazing.

emily’s new sweatsuit jacket. i.e. 90 year old jewish man in florida.

then we saw the morning benders at bottom of the hill.

it’s actually pretty weird how attractive my friends are. i dont fraternize with the uglies.

i cant keep my lips off their purty faces.

manning the merch table.

twins?

and lovebryan was here! and kari is a whooooooooooore. that’s some serious contact.

kari always acts like a lady.

me and bryan.

bryan took his place at the front of the crowd.

bending the morning.

bffs.

we miss daniel. did you know that he enjoys pedicures? well you do now. and so do all the rest of the bancroft bombers.

emmy on the rhodes. it was off.

brittany and her sister chelsea are ethereal creatures. check out those eyes.

au revoir simone played. they weren’t the best but they were nice to look at.

pedicures. seriously.

earlier i said joe had a vagina. here’s the proof. god, “femalia” has really enhanced all of our lives.

emmy is adorable.

more fun with femalia. lesbian fun.

whoooooooooooooooooooo(re). also 90 year old gray vag? really? that’s weird.

rachael gave daniel a haircut.

brush your shoulders off.

i wasn’t to be outdone.

this will be my last rachie-cut for a while.

then daniel bid us farewell and left us for NY. i hate NY. steals all my friends.

alison and i practiced for our upcoming secret cafe gig.

rachie prepared to leave us for spain and threw party at her parents’.

she cooked us these vegan things.

and i got vegan boots.

i think rachael’s dad was mad about how far away spain is.

meanwhile, this happened. as per usual.

jason and anya.

just us girls!

the lovely couple heading for spain.

i smelled someone’s drink and got tipsy.

i accidentally put my thumb over the flash and THIS happened! so much fun to be had…

rachie’s new tattoo looks good in red.

red cora. rora! duh. combining words is the funnest.

rari and remily.

eli and chelsuck saw red.

chris still won’t admit it, but even in red we look alike.

this is the only time you’ll see me play sports.we jews aren’t particularly good at sports. but wi doesn’t seem to know that. it can mimic all my moves, but it has no jew-radar. i wasn’t the only jew having fun.

emily bowled so hard her arms fell off.

rosemary was overly excited about her newfound competitve strengths.

but after a while, wi figured us out when midnight struck and we turned back into jews.

my friends’ hotness never ceases to amaze me.

even in the light of day they look pretty damn good.

and you can’t get much cuter than cooball (emily).

we had a breakfast party at the channing house. rosemary made pancakes.

kari made fresh juice.

chris got domestic.

which is as rare as emily getting domestic. just kidding. my wiiiiiife!

rachael threw a secret cafe to say adios before leaving for spain. anyone who is anyone who is also hot was there.

the beautiful ladies of the beautiful house kindly allowed us all to invade for a night of merriment and good eats.

brian rogers and cary and i came early to be the sous chefs. rachael is a hard-ass and runs a real tight ship. between every step of cooking she makes you drink wine and tell jokes and make out. what? it was hard.

chelsuck and lolo are opposite people but come from the same arian stock. the only thing sullying this pure picture is my jew thumb that got in the frame.

alison and i also come from the same stock. matzoh ball soup stock.

sarah and alison.

i have no idea what we were so enthralled by but it looks like it was pretty amazing.

are stalagmites the ones that go up?

or down?

this is the menu for the vegan three-course meal we cooked. rachael’s creations.

THE FOLLOWING SERIES IS CALLED “MY FRIENDS ARE PRETTY.” I HOPE VERY VERY MUCH THAT RACHAEL WILL FIND THIS FUNNY AND STILL BE MY FRIEND. seriously though, pretty.

pretty!

still pretty!

pretty-ish!

pretty? wait for it…

KODAK MOMENT SO PRETTY IT HURTS ME. i know laughing at other people’s discomfort is bad, especially when they are your friend, but its just too good. but rachie you told me i HAD to blog with ALL the pictures so you could have them! plus rach, you already have a boyfriend and he still loves you even after he saw this, so he’s a keeper. i love you. so pretty.

in case you forgot, rachael usually looks like this.

or this.

or this. ok my job here is done.

we now return to our regularly scheduled programming: my friends are pretty.

slaving away in the kitchen.

learning from the master.

roasted bell pepper, young thai coconut, and nectarine soup. i know.

the chef and her admirers.

invite only, suckers!

dewey? jordan?

mushroom encrusted tofu, black and white summer rice, and young baby green salad.

yep, it was THAT good. just ask anya and lulu, licking their plates clean.

more satisfied customers.

twinlove.

squared.

the natives were getting restless, so i got out some porn from the house’s recycling pile.

it kept them entertained.

for a while.

but seriously. those articles take a while to read.

cutest.

the audience was nice to look at.

we played some songs.

as did mr. chu.

secret cafe crew 2007.

so much more to come its crazy. prepare yourself. work out.
bye blog.
love chloe.

this is my jewish husband brett. we have candlelight dinners twice a year.

this is what we do at rosemary’s house. hat party.

allison is my new cello player. and amazing.

i often stand in dressing rooms while emily tries things on.

sometimes i sneak some dirty pics of her and then put them on the internet without her permission.

oops, i did it again.

remember “femalia,” my book of vaginas? it never gets old.

this is the correct response to the book.

THIS is NOT.

to reiterate: joe is gross.

also we straightened his hair. this, along with his odd obsession with vaginas…lesbian. joe.

emily got a contact high and thought that picking up her leg with a hook was really amazing. you know what else can pick up your leg? willpower.

weird.

rosemary served me fruit and boobs on a platter.

she quilted that. and she is teaching me to do one too.

jazmin’s going away party! she went to rome. who wouldn’t love a face like that?

i gave bob my camera for a while. first shot, my butt as i walked away.

by bob, obviously.

jon by bob. brotherly love.

bob got a little artsy.

jon porter is a real mesnch. that’s yiddish for good guy.

bob looks like mario brothers.

akkkkk.

jazmin tried, but daniel’s not one for dancing.

love.

jay deejayed. is that how you spell that?

chris loves having his picture taken.

so many good things going on right here.

cameron brought a kettle to the dancefloor.

but jon porter was not one to be outdone.

porn was playing all throughout the party.

aimee is very pristine-looking. minus porter.

ah there we go.

a little of this…

leads to a lot of this.

post-coital?

definitely post-coital.

sometimes julian does weird things.

like so.

there are my new keeps.

i love emily a lot.

and these fools.

by julian. a little voyeuristic, no?

this is why we call each other “twinsie.” total coincidence.

my friends are all really aesthetically pleasing.

sometimes the channing couch looks like this.

but other times it’s totally different.

we played charades.

we made farmer’s market dinner at lulu’s new house.

anya was there.

and there was much merriment.

how cute is eli with her hair down? i really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

i love working at the local.

even my customers are good-looking.

emily moved rooms and was nailing things. ha! nailing.

kari is back and amazing and beautiful and i love her a lot.

jazmin, you will be missed while in italy. whether drinking alch…

or the usual gatorade.

cross-eyed crazybird elise.

bye blog.
love chloe.

bryan visited in july. he said “in SF its easy to get by but hard to get big. in NY its hard to get by but easy to get big.” i’ma try to prove Sceney McScene wrong. i’ll get by AND get big right here in the bay.

gaelen is always sitting outside of nabolom bakery.

we went to willard park to chillax in the summer sun.

bob said “take another one- my eyes were closed for that one.” so i did.

goddamnit bob.

sometimes emmy gets on me.

then i went to LA to visit bua/baby crew.

akira’s learning how to throw up gang signs. i mean peace signs.

a jew jew train is similar to a choo choo train except instead of “i think i can i think i can” they say “i think i can but maybe i cant what if i get tired i didnt pack anything to nosh on oh god i hope i can i mean i really should be able to….”

pocket mom gets love from aki.

if it seems like i am obsessed with akira, it’s because i am.

and you are too. how could you not be with a face like this?

akira and piano man. when aki’s nips were out, i noticed that justin had put her dress on backwards so i fixed it. it reminded me of that scarring time i was 4 and my dad took me to ballet class and got me dressed and left and then i started crying because my leotard was all bunchy in front and going up my butt in the back because daddy had put it on backwards. moral: dads should not be left in charge of dressing their daughters.

instead, dad’s should be in charge of this.

she loves my dad.

my parents are cute.

we read.

still practicing.

whoooooooooooooo. that’s not long for “who.” it’s short for “whore.”

we went to the LA zoo. we thought it would be depressing, but the meerkats were chilling pretty hard. looking around for predators and obese american tourists.

then it got a little depressing because someone threw deli meat on the alligator. crocodile. i don’t know the difference. i do, however, know that reptiles have a sexual/excretory tract called the “cloaca” and i know this because that is what my sister calls me.

aki/mom.

spiderfaces.

my sister hearts giraffes.

really depressing.

this is what it feels like to be in a zoo. this is also what it feels like to be inside the head of an OCD anxiety-ridden jew.

i am a hippie now. i sell vegetables and fraternize with the oak people. and the other day someone blew some sage smoke on me. now i believe in energy and spirits and shit.

don’t forget we sell amazing things at amazing prices at college and bancroft every wednesday from 11-5.

we get hungry. and improvise with no tools.

we made corn/tomato/basil salad and ate it with corn husks. who’s an anarchist now, fools? except for this whole blog/computer/car/consumer thing i got going.

KARI CAME BACK FROM FRANCE AND WE WERE SOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!

in part because she is really pretty.

also chelsuck is way hot.

apparently france is NOT the fashion capital of the world.

who knew youtube could be such a uniting force? also look at emmy’s butt. it’s nice.

did you know that jordan here moved in with emily and kari?

did you know i had huge freak hands? cuz i didn’t.

turns out it’s not just me. emmy gets on kari sometimes too.

rarely does she realize that some things are embarrassing. especially when performed on the grassy knoll in the middle of campus.

jaz dances up on andre.

rachel just straight up gets on him.

we made jaz up into a chola.

and joe into a lesbian.

AMAZINGGGGGG. also that looks like chest hair. even more amazing!

Rachael made dinner for us. She is hot. I mean good at cooking.

jaz and cora are also good at cooking. I mean hot.

sometimes i look at emily and can’t believe she’s real. because she’s so adorable (not because you don’t look human, emily, duh).

emmy mikey.

monty and me. he was one of my first friends at berkeley.

cora and me. she is one of my newest friends at berkeley.

SERIOUSLY my friends are soooooo pretty.

ok you can blink now. but only for a minute because summer part 3 is coming sooooon.
bye blog.
love chloe.

cora and chelsea are pretty.

jewfaces.

aaron ross. you should probably go to http://www.myspace.com/aaronmanuelross and listen to “warlock” as its one of the best songs ever.

hallie’s mom once asked if chris and i were siblings. chris doesn’t think i look asian. but the rest of the world begs to differ.

julian and chris insist on ruining every picture.

julian got a haircut from rachael. so hip.

i parked in front of the grassroots tour van. i think it may have been on fire.

then rachael, emmy, hallie and i had brunch.

this is the last moment i saw hallie before she moved to NY. captured. forever.

emmy and i have a habit of visiting lyssandra at work. she swiffers a lot so the floor of slash is a good place to lie down for a while. plus its close to nabolom which has the best vegan sticky buns ever.

oh yeah and sometimes there’s dancing.

summer favorite = scoping out puppies at willard park.

ok fine sometimes dudes too.

but really just puppies.

it was bright out. elise needed double glasses.

jaz studying italian. only a week left to learn before she moves there.

emmy learned to shake!

biance brought watermelon(s).

emily. as usual.

elise and i drove to santa cruz on the 3rd of july for 4th of july. we picked up josh and went straight to the beach. holler.

we only stayed for a few minutes though because of a fly problem that was not condusive to lounging. disgusting.

i stayed with ashley and brought my guitar along so i could serenade her.

then ash and i met up with emily, cora, jaz, and her friends in SC.

ash and i dressed up like super-americans because emily told us everyone else was going to but then we were the only ones.

american pride or stealing from farmers?

we got matching suits.

then we hung out at the house where jaz will live when she returns to SC after italy.

old-school wifeys.

new-school wifeys.

ash hat.

em hat.

they have a cute porch.

then eli and josh and other emily met up.

cora and i look asian because we are part russian and because mongolian milkmen slept with our great grandmothers.

elise got drunk.

things really looked like this.

but elise saw it like this.

then we took a stroll over to josh/emily’s house. elise got geared up.

crazy.

crazier.

sunset bromance.

jaz got a little nutty too.

shoe triplets.

triplet dancewalk.

josh/eli/emily had made a fort in their backyard.

emily squared!

fireworks boys.

the next day i knocked into a shelf at ashley’s and one of the spikes of this huge shell fell straight down and sliced open my toe. and since ashley’s ankle was already sprained and we are both ridiculously clumsy and accident-prone, the week ended like this:

bye blog. more to come soon.
love chloe.

rachael got nakey, as per usual….

abby moved to sf and havent seen her since….

rachael cooked us dinner…

emily looked like a greek statue….

i forced lolo to get a hip(per) haircut….

we ate feasts (cooked by rachael, duh) and then we ate some more…

we bonded (while emily bellyached)…

and toasted to our awesomely privileged lives…

i worked at the local (which i do now on wednesdays by the kroeber fountain on campus- wholesale prices on fresh produce, you should come)…

and pretended to like white babies so i could make a sale…

we went on bart to the city with some creepy dude- oh wait that’s just bob…

we went to a karaoke bar for hallie’s birthday…

jasmine did this…

lyssandra joined us…

as did houston and anya…

leah said she looks like an icy russian princess in photos and she was right…

emmy was so cute cameron couldn’t resist…

hallie sang journey…

DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’…

and the dj spanked her…

emmy got slutty at my parents’ pool (dang, girl)…

and showed off her freckly eyes (body)…

then my fam came to visit and i learned that my boob-grabbing tendencies run in the family…

the running joke is that i am asian. here is my 17 year old cousin Dan (some of you may have met him at emmy’s bday party which hallie took him to) being racist.

then my sister and bua and akira came and that made a total of 10 people in the house, plus aunts and uncles and friends coming over every day. it was constant chaos and amusement, as akira is the cutest/smartest and my family is from the midwest and hella jewish.

laura, my cousin/twin.

hallie came to visit.

dan laughed so hard quinoa shot out his nose.

hallie and i made ample fun of him.

don’t let this dorky jew face fool you. he deserves all the shit we give him. for example…

my lovely picture of me and ashley was displayed in my room. but after dan got ahold of it, it looked like this:

he said because i am fat and asian. such a little shit. but also hilariously genius.

hallie (hot) brought PLANET EARTH dvds. when the monkeys came on, akira said: “damn! damn! oh. my. god. they look like humans.” yeah, she’s 2 and a half. genius.

and she can do the splits.

ruby and me. sisters. maybe.

triple kiss! perverts, that’s a BABY. god.

cousintwin! i guess if two cousins got married and had twins, their kids would be both cousins and twins. but that’s not what happened here. hopefully. though it would explain my crooked back and million other defects.

akira makes this face if you tell her to smile for a picture.

ashley stopped by!

mostly we did this all week though. and akira was obsessed with me. wouldn’t let anyone else have my attention. being loved by a child is the best for your self-esteem. just ask hallie. when SHE tried to talk to akira, aki said “i’m really busy right now.” and hallie cried a little.

apparently that’s the pool face. ruby looks like girl with a pearl earring.

nearby, my dad serenaded us. eat your heart out, kari (she has a crush).

the obsession goes both ways.

though how could it not with a face like this??

then rachie and suckface and emmy came too!

SO CUTE it hurts me.

dan was reading his favorite book, Beloved by Toni Morrison. Because he is taking an african american feminist literature class at some all girls college in minnesota. he is a huge lesbian.

who could ask for more?

well, i could as for a hot naked hairstylist. aaaaand, done. rachael gave my sister bangs.

i can’t help it, its too cute. especially when it clings to my leg and tells me i’m its favorite.

legs.

emmy and my uncle moon. yep, my family are stoner hippies named moon.

cutest. nice bangs.

akira is obsessed with my dad too.

then ruby, bua, and aki left.

and we were sad. but stylishly so.

parents. that’s my mom (and kari’s competition).

cousins. photos go all crazy blurry when too many jews are caught in the lens.

speaking of jews, laura got increasingly jewish as the week went on. her asthma worsened, her complaining increased, her hypochondria spiked, and her discontentment became more and more apparent, i.e. she is just like me but worse.

helllla jewish

and this is my favorite picture of the whole family visit:

akira, adri, and hallie formed an azn gang. aki has been working on her tough b-girl freezes and her sagging pants.

well, that was tedious. more to come. featuring less babies and less jewish.

bye blog.
love chloe.

Summertime! or Cary Tanner being a creep. That’s the same, right? Sorry, that didn’t even make sense.

Ok here we go for real this time…summertime! Damnit. Well maybe Cary just does this stuff around Emily. Weird.

There was a villains/superheroes party but for some reason these fools went as the three stooges.

Then Rachael’s parents had a Memorial Day BBQ. That’s her dad!

No one wanted to sit in the special princess corner but it looked like a JAP-suitable place to me.

Where the hell was Megan for a year? Regardless, it’s nice to have her back.

There was a puppy and we all got giddy.

Yep, cute but still smells like a dog.

It’s crazy how a puppy and/or baby can make your voice all high and your face all foolish and your hands all smelling like baby/puppy.

Even hardcore-I-don’t-give-a-fuck-that-my-arm-is-still-in-a-sling-and-also-filled-with-metal-rods Shelma was, as Emily says, “cooing and caahing” over the puppy. God, Emily can’t do anything right. Did you know she just got certified to teach English in other countries? Her students are gonna learn incorrect colloquialisms. Emily’s “eat your words” is “bite your tongue off” while her wallflower tendencies are expressed as “blending into the wallwork.” We call these “Emilisms.” It’s like an embolism minus the blood.

Bizarre family portrait. That’s one hairy baby. Musta gotten it from the Jew side (Emily).

Holiday card.

All three stages. White, kinda Asian, and Asian.

Then we went outdoors to bbq some ribs and vegan hot dogs. When I was little and they were holding me to their shoulder, my parents always used to say “put your keppy down” (keppy means “head” in yiddish). Mikey made Emmy put her keppy down, but really it just looked like he wanted her to give him keppy. Oh god, I think it’s probably blasphemy to use yiddish in really dirty ways like that. Or maybe not…

WHAT.

GRRRRR GIMME SOME SOY DOGS.

Oh wait, that’s better. HeLLOOOO.

That’s like a UFO sighting. Rare.

By the way, Megan makes these dresses. If you want one, give her some fabric and $30 and she’ll do it up real nice.

Drinking wine and relaxing sure does take it out of you, huh Em?

Then on one of the first hot days, Rachael came over and we laid on my front lawn and ate these treats from the Farmer’s market. If you’ve never had mulberries, you probably should. They taste like Purple Rain.

These two dudes, Alex and Alex drove by and asked us if we were having a garage sale. When we said no, they parked their car and came and sat down with us and tried to sell us things instead. I was uptight at first, but Rachael made me be nice to them.

Cora came too and translated while Rachie read and I embroidered. I LOVE SUMMMMER.

Then Cary came with groceries and Rachael made us this for dinner.

We were pleased.

Then one day we hung out on the Ward house stoop. Twins!!

Chris and Josephine do a lot of things in the day. Oh wait, no, they really just do this.

Elise’s mom made a graduation photo album.

Awww the end of our youth. Poopcrapfart. I say that when I feel my youth slipping away from me. I learned that from Chelsuck.

Dude, Rachael looked CRAZY at Elise’s graduation picnic. And had lost her voice. Imagine that headband and a man voice coming out of her. CRAZYtown.

Emily dressed up as an elf for her graduation. What’s that, Em? David the Gnome needs our help?? Quick, tell Swift the Fox to come quickly!

Since I haven’t found a job, this is what I do all day. Embroider. Bob says I must be lonely if I like to embroider, so call me if you want to hang out. Anyone?

And this is what Emmy does all day. Expect when she’s helping David the Gnome heal wounded birds.

By the by, Abysinia Vanderpool is back from france and ready to have fun.

IT’S GETTING HOT. SEE EVERYONE AT ANZA SOOOOOOON (lyssandra says her biologist friend says anza is full of feces and makes you sick. but lets go anyway).

bye blog.
love chloe.

Cuban Crew 2007.

Cuban food 2007. There was supposed to be coconut rice but it tasted like burning.

Moustaches were not a choice. They were mandatory.

Bob called me a copycat.

emmmmmmmmmmmms.

aimee and samantha. hEllo.

O’Learys. Or is it O’Learies when it’s plural?

Moustache cuddle puddle.

Strangely enough, Emily looks quite natural with a moustache. It’s probably the Jewish blood.

Even stranger, Elise makes an amazing sleazy Cuban.

My only purchase in NY was these boots. Adri said dirty things to me that no one else heard. As per usual, she said “If nobody heard it, it didn’t happen.”

Bianca tried to cheer Hallie up.

Even Lolo came with me!

The light was perfect.

Elisunset.

The light of my life, aka Emmy, aka Coo.

Mikey came. And AK and Nicole.

Wherever she goes, a ray of light follows. hEllo.

And wherever Cameron goes, a ray of crazy follows.

Holler.

Cam messed up his stache and Emily fixed it.

At some point in the night, Emily appeared stache-less. She said it “fell off” even though it was drawn on. But Rachael didn’t stand for that, and there was a stache-attack to restore Emily to Cuban (Jewish) status.

Rachie makes a mean pot of beans.

Caketime. Yeah, blow out the lighter! We are classy.

Oh wait, that’s what the lighter was for. Happy Birthday booboo.

Nicole starts med school on June 25th. Which is weird, because June 25th is when I’m do for a physical. Awesome…

Seriously. Crazy eyes.

AK demonstrated his hula hoop skills.

Cameron’s just asking for it.

And of course AK offered his services.

Disturbing thumbcrotch.

At Hallie’s, Paul James reminded us of that game you used to play with your sweatshirt.

Hallie loved it.

And Nicole demonstrated all the places AK puts his genitals. Doorknob, around his wrist like a watch, etc…..

I love Cubanisimo!
bye blog.
love chloe.

got a shitty but cute apartment on christopher and 7th- right in the W. Village. See, I know names of neighborhoods now! bua says that chelsea isnt the gay neighborhood. christopher street is. and i had a gay old time.

they were selling these downstairs. so cute and so depressing. HALLIE get one.

bua and ruby and baby had the apt. across the hall.

i’ma get me one of these sweet rides. i love central park.

sister mom.

i dont even look scared or panicky. new york is not what i expected.

candle cafe. sweet potato, black bean, millet casserole with collard greens. so many vegan restaurants!!!

people are hella rich in NY. they dress their babies like this. even the headless ones. if i have any headless kids, they’re totally not gonna get to wear as cute of clothes as the ones WITH heads will. dont worry they won’t even be able to tell.

there’s a lot more wildlife in NY than i thought there’d be.

we went to the MET. this is one of my favorite painters, hieronymus bosch (15th c., Dutch)- look up garden of earthly delights. it’s even crazier.

so weird/amazing.

sacred chow vegan brunch!!!

bryan got banana bread french toast.

i got the soy cheese omelette. delicious.

rj came and played with me! he got waffles.

sarah is my new bff! that’s a jew sign, in case you didn’t know. duh.

the boys accompanied me to washington square park.

akira always tries to lick me without getting licked herself. she’s just like hallie. minus the whiskey.

#$*(^#^@#!*#^%$#(*&#$*(#^. she has a nasty sailor’s mouth too.

she took this one of herself. no help.

is it weird that my blogs are just about akira now? i’m obsessed. but everyone i showed her to there fell in love too.

she, however, is obsessed with my dad. one day when she’s old enough to understand, i’ll explain to her how he used to be in soft-core 70s porn.

i met an albino dog. so cute/ugly. look emily! long lost relative! minus the ugly part. oh god, bad analogy. love you.

this guy was selling his art. JUNK in multiple ways.

again with the licking!

one day my dad was looking at a NY mapquest page and akira (who is used to hearing LA directions) came up to the computer and pointed at the map and said “no, andy! you have to go left on Sunset!” she’s two1/2. genius.

dude came over to talk to akira.

he asked her whats up and she said “i play basketball” (which means she takes it on walks with her and i end up carrying it) and then “west side’s the best side.” told that dude!

b-girl freeze! remember the days when it was totally appropriate to do everything naked? i miss those days.

naked chill.

sink bath! man, kids are so lucky. sinks are way cooler than showers.

this is what it would feel like to go to NYU law school. it feels pretty good. it also feels like fat arm, which is a big no-no on ANTM. not that i ever watch that show. (every day).

this place just opened. it has vegan treats. and they deliver with a bike cart thingy.

yep.

i’d live/work there.

dude, girls just love my dad. (seriously though, imdb search “andy roth.”)

me and my sis’s friend charlie came out to play. my mom forced him to look at all her pictures from india.

ruby bua and two dollar falafel on mcdougal street!

my sis’s best friend from high school leah came out too!

then there was the bua book signing. sometimes when he’s doing things like date my sister, i forget how famous he is. and then i remember and like him even more. every single time.

akira was not to be outdone. justin and akira constantly compete for center of attention.

more folks from HS came out! guy and britt!

the new love of my life came out. we are going to have extremely jewish/ocd/addictive/cynical/hilarious babies. with no heads. and ugly clothes.

bryan came and took a lot of photos. of akira.

and i finally met elliot! lovebryan crew for life!

view from bryan’s eyes. its kinda like a camera erection. stop pointing that shit at me! man, not the first time i’ve said THAT.

one night i felt sick and left bryan at a restaurant with my family. but he and my moms made best friends. she kept telling him to wear a helmet.

me and public transportation! way.

agoraphobic claustrophobics love the subway. me and my pops.

NYPD hard at work!

<

especially this one. stop being a baby and go fight crime!

my mom is really good at myspace photography.

bowery street is really helpful. if what you need is a gawdy chandelier.

you know that you’re almost hip enough when you recognize names like “neckface.” i’ve made it!!!

i wish everyone could get along this well, combining forces to make multiethnic-items. so i guess go there if you need porcelain hoop earrings or catholic buddhist statues or rice candy covered in chili pepper, or just rice.

vegan sugar-free wheat-free gluten-free bakery! seriously delicious. i promise.

cupcakes!

they even have treats named after all my friends!

they put the kosher sign ON the cash register. come on now, thats just out of line. stop reinforcing jewish stereotypes!

YESSSSSS HALF OFF THE JEW IN ME IS SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! oh, crap.

mom and babycakes!

dad and thongs! obviously.

chinatown has lots of food i cant eat.

about to be dinner.

the tabloids are also way cooler than english ones. looks way more tittilating. ha! tit.

it rained until i got there, then everything was in bloom and it was 75 degrees and sunny and then the day i left it started raining again. suckers.

cafe viva upper west side vegan pizza!!

we love new york but apparently new york loves us too.

there were monuments put up for me all over the city!

everywhere i looked there were more and more…

seeing what it felt like to be famous. felt pretty good up on stage.

bryan keeps getting hit by cars. his bike is totally fucked up.

and everyone told me he seemed miserable when they visited him. but i went to check it out for myself and he seems to be doing fine.

BYE NY!!! oh also jet blue television is the best day of my life.

i’ll be back in brooklyn in july while hallie is there. who’s with me?!?!?!?

bye blog.
love chloe.