well, i’d never been there. so i hopped on the bua booktour with the whole family and skipped a week of school right before finals! so unlike me but totally worth it.

got a shitty but cute apartment on christopher and 7th- right in the W. Village. See, I know names of neighborhoods now! bua says that chelsea isnt the gay neighborhood. christopher street is. and i had a gay old time.

they were selling these downstairs. so cute and so depressing. HALLIE get one.

bua and ruby and baby had the apt. across the hall.

i’ma get me one of these sweet rides. i love central park.

sister mom.

i dont even look scared or panicky. new york is not what i expected.

candle cafe. sweet potato, black bean, millet casserole with collard greens. so many vegan restaurants!!!

people are hella rich in NY. they dress their babies like this. even the headless ones. if i have any headless kids, they’re totally not gonna get to wear as cute of clothes as the ones WITH heads will. dont worry they won’t even be able to tell.

there’s a lot more wildlife in NY than i thought there’d be.

we went to the MET. this is one of my favorite painters, hieronymus bosch (15th c., Dutch)- look up garden of earthly delights. it’s even crazier.

so weird/amazing.

sacred chow vegan brunch!!!

bryan got banana bread french toast.

i got the soy cheese omelette. delicious.

rj came and played with me! he got waffles.

sarah is my new bff! that’s a jew sign, in case you didn’t know. duh.

the boys accompanied me to washington square park.

akira always tries to lick me without getting licked herself. she’s just like hallie. minus the whiskey.

#$*(^#^@#!*#^%$#(*&#$*(#^. she has a nasty sailor’s mouth too.

she took this one of herself. no help.

is it weird that my blogs are just about akira now? i’m obsessed. but everyone i showed her to there fell in love too.

she, however, is obsessed with my dad. one day when she’s old enough to understand, i’ll explain to her how he used to be in soft-core 70s porn.

i met an albino dog. so cute/ugly. look emily! long lost relative! minus the ugly part. oh god, bad analogy. love you.

this guy was selling his art. JUNK in multiple ways.

again with the licking!

one day my dad was looking at a NY mapquest page and akira (who is used to hearing LA directions) came up to the computer and pointed at the map and said “no, andy! you have to go left on Sunset!” she’s two1/2. genius.

dude came over to talk to akira.

he asked her whats up and she said “i play basketball” (which means she takes it on walks with her and i end up carrying it) and then “west side’s the best side.” told that dude!

b-girl freeze! remember the days when it was totally appropriate to do everything naked? i miss those days.

naked chill.

sink bath! man, kids are so lucky. sinks are way cooler than showers.

this is what it would feel like to go to NYU law school. it feels pretty good. it also feels like fat arm, which is a big no-no on ANTM. not that i ever watch that show. (every day).

this place just opened. it has vegan treats. and they deliver with a bike cart thingy.


i’d live/work there.

dude, girls just love my dad. (seriously though, imdb search “andy roth.”)

me and my sis’s friend charlie came out to play. my mom forced him to look at all her pictures from india.

ruby bua and two dollar falafel on mcdougal street!

my sis’s best friend from high school leah came out too!

then there was the bua book signing. sometimes when he’s doing things like date my sister, i forget how famous he is. and then i remember and like him even more. every single time.

akira was not to be outdone. justin and akira constantly compete for center of attention.

more folks from HS came out! guy and britt!

the new love of my life came out. we are going to have extremely jewish/ocd/addictive/cynical/hilarious babies. with no heads. and ugly clothes.

bryan came and took a lot of photos. of akira.

and i finally met elliot! lovebryan crew for life!

view from bryan’s eyes. its kinda like a camera erection. stop pointing that shit at me! man, not the first time i’ve said THAT.

one night i felt sick and left bryan at a restaurant with my family. but he and my moms made best friends. she kept telling him to wear a helmet.

me and public transportation! way.

agoraphobic claustrophobics love the subway. me and my pops.

NYPD hard at work!


especially this one. stop being a baby and go fight crime!

my mom is really good at myspace photography.

bowery street is really helpful. if what you need is a gawdy chandelier.

you know that you’re almost hip enough when you recognize names like “neckface.” i’ve made it!!!

i wish everyone could get along this well, combining forces to make multiethnic-items. so i guess go there if you need porcelain hoop earrings or catholic buddhist statues or rice candy covered in chili pepper, or just rice.

vegan sugar-free wheat-free gluten-free bakery! seriously delicious. i promise.


they even have treats named after all my friends!

they put the kosher sign ON the cash register. come on now, thats just out of line. stop reinforcing jewish stereotypes!


mom and babycakes!

dad and thongs! obviously.

chinatown has lots of food i cant eat.

about to be dinner.

the tabloids are also way cooler than english ones. looks way more tittilating. ha! tit.

it rained until i got there, then everything was in bloom and it was 75 degrees and sunny and then the day i left it started raining again. suckers.

cafe viva upper west side vegan pizza!!

we love new york but apparently new york loves us too.

there were monuments put up for me all over the city!

everywhere i looked there were more and more…

seeing what it felt like to be famous. felt pretty good up on stage.

bryan keeps getting hit by cars. his bike is totally fucked up.

and everyone told me he seemed miserable when they visited him. but i went to check it out for myself and he seems to be doing fine.

BYE NY!!! oh also jet blue television is the best day of my life.

i’ll be back in brooklyn in july while hallie is there. who’s with me?!?!?!?

bye blog.
love chloe.

Rachael invited me to Easter at her parents’ amazing house that she was housesitting. I obviously had no plans that day since I am neither a believer in Christ nor a bunny.

Hallie had been sick in bed for a week so I picked her up and brought her to the Easter celebration. Coughing up a lung seems to do her good. HELLLooo.

So many layers. Mecameraglasswindowglassplaterachael.

I gotta stop watching America’s Next Top Model. Yeah right, that show RULES.

I always forget that sunglasses ruin my Asian street cred.

Window into Narnia? Or China. Can’t really tell.

“WOMAN! Bring me some food!”

Rachael made tofurkey-wrapped-asparagus. Except for those bloody ones on the bottom- those are prosciutto. I won’t tell you what prosciutto is made of first because it is gross and second because frankly I don’t know.

Not that I smoke or drink, but how much does this make me want to do both of those things? A lot. That’s how much. Cigarettes and blood orange mimosas.

Add a New York Times and you got yourself an Easter party. Or if you’re a Jew, Sunday.

No wait NOWWW you’ve got yourself a Sunday. I mean Easter party.

Hallie and I demonstrated for Rachael how rubbing arms can be very arousing and pleasurable. I mean religious and pious, baby Jesus.

Rachael made an easter egg hunt for us. She hid an egg with each of our names on it.

Celebrating our finds! Except Nikola, who couldn’t find his.

I thought mine would say Christ-killer on it, but it just said Slippy!

Joe and his gay. I mean egg.

Cora and egg.

I don’t know why Elise’s egg said “Gary.”

Meg and egg.

Emily and her tits. I mean egg.

Cary’s egg.

Hostess with mostess with egg.

Hallie and a bad egg?

We found Nikola’s egg eventually. Well, at least its shell. Dogs ate it. Oops. Caught you blue-tongued doggie!

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Nikola stepped in poo, a common hazard of the backyard. Sorry Nikola, Jesus just wasn’t on your side today. But it’s ok, he’s never on mine.

“Watch out for dog doo!”

Nothing says Easter like a black cock.

Seriously, Rachael made us so much food. Emmy was either happy about this or scared.

Honeydew lips! (I was gonna say “melon mouth” but then it sounded like a racist slur. well, now i DID say it. shit. stop typing. oh god.)

Justine came! I love chips. Hallie didn’t like something.


Served drinks right out the window.

Window into Drunk Narnia, now.

Hallie took a nap. In Heaven apparently.

Emmy tried to play but Jesus turned her away and told her Jews have their own heaven. It’s called “The Dollar Store.”

I hate cats a lot because they make me sneeze and make my throat close up and my nose run and my eyes tear (unacceptable because it can be mistaken for emotions). But how crazy are their eyes? Crazy devil allergen eyes.

Rachael then whipped up an amazing dinner. Samantha and Anya!

Jesus should ascend more often. I ate sooo well on Easter.

Justine and Hallie made miso! I helped a little. Group Asian effort. YES got my cred back.

Cheers tp a lovely evening and even lovelier friends!

Sometimes, when everything else is a blur of movement, you can find Rachael staying perfectly still! Eerie.

Bitches where they belong, doing what they should.

The night ended with a fire and a bunch of us lounging in the living room. We realized life will NEVER be like this again. All day parties, group cooking, cuddle puddles in front of the fire, housesitting the parents’ awesome house, kissing on the lips, egg hunts, lazy afternoons with a dozen of your closest friends…..I told my mom that and she said you can still have lots of friends over for brunch and dinner and fire when you are adults. But then I asked her if she and her friends still touch each other’s boobs. Nope. So there it is, guys. Life will NEVER be like this again. Let’s make the most of these last few weeks of college. Well, I’m doing an extra semester, but for most of you…

bye blog.
love chloe.

for spring break i went to LA to stay with my sister and her boyfriend slash famous artist justin bua. look him up. you guys are familiar with his baby akira, who i blog about all the time.

not only is she the cutest baby that ever happened, but she has the best style. check out those leg warmers.

also you should take a cue from akira, who is raw/vegan, and the healthiest/smartest baby. she is two. and eats better than any of us.

in the morning she asks for broccolli and has about three bowls of it for breakfast. naked.


vietnamese vegetable soup.

corn tortillas with hummus and spirulina.

sweet corn tamales from the farmers market.

quinoa with vegetables and spirulina.

this guy at the hollywood farmers market rules. i told him aki’s name and he made up a whole song for her on the fly.

they give out free balloons there.

ridiculously cute.

i know she has the face of an angel but the things that come out of her mouth! we were listening to the radio a lot because justin was being interviewed on a bunch of stations for his book launch event and so akira heard a lot of music she normally wouldnt. and she learns quick. so the rest of the day she wouldnt stop saying “this is why i’m hot, this is why i’m hot, this is why, this is why, this is why i’m hot!”

after slaving away at bua studios (i.e. making a million phonecalls to celebrity agents and bua’s friends), the day of the launch finally came. we got coffee across the street from book soup in west hollywood where the event was, and bua had a panic attack that no one was gonna show up.

me and my sis ruby. i got to wear a bua all access pass.

introducing steen, one of the best poppers in the world, who flew in all the way from denmark for the event. and the nicest person i have ever met. everyone falls in love with him. justin wants to marry him.

luckily bua’s worries were for naught. there was a line out the door. and he sold over 200 books on opening night which puts him on LA Times bestseller list.

ladies, ivan is a photographer and personal trainer. and single i think. and russian. i’ll hook you up.

even my sister signed books because she put so much work into it. i asked people if they wanted me to sign it since i was bua’s girlfriend’s sister but no one seemed to want my autograph. they’ll be sorry later.

even saul williams showed up. he got to cut the line and go behind the table.

saul is the only slam poet i can stand to listen to. a wordsmith and a genius. inventor of that spoken word voice that everyone cops. also how white am I???

this is mia. she works at bua studios. we bonded a lot.

one fan showed up and had a bua painting tattooed on his arm! crazy. though i am thinking of getting steen tattooed on MY arm.

steen and aki. heart… melting… oh god.

another night we went to dinner at chi dynasty and met a lot of armenian mafia who were sitting next to us. seriously they are always there. they said they were in the music industry and silent investors in real estate.

ruby bua steen.

then we went to the dresden (the bar where swingers was filmed) and took pictures of the boys breakdancing. also they have this crazy forest of pillars and lights.

do we look like sisters?

this is what my sister would look like with bangs. how cute?

me and the boys. steen, bua, and willpower, all bboys.

steen dances. i’ll try to post some videos of them breakdancing. 10% of Denmark has seen steen’s plays. he just did the nutcracker but taught all the ballerinas popping moves. amazing.

willpower got a little tight from all the head spins.

the boys. i mean men?

then it was justin’s birthday. steen and akira flying.

she’s like a doll. she told me i am her best friend in the whole world. i have adult coversations with her. its weird. she sat down next to me and said “did you know that i learned spanish?” and i said “really?” and she said “yeah! can you say hola?” and she is TWO.

then she discovered vegan pizza. oops!

feeds me.

there was a lot of breakdance battling. akira won every time.

if anyone is standing in a circle, akira starts singing the hokey pokey.

me, the artist, and his work all strike a pose.

ruby aki.

justin is so obsessed with steen that we woke up the last day and he had shaven himself a mohawk to match steen. stupid.

me and steen. and as justin said out loud right then, “the best 30 seconds of my life.”

she also told me “some things are incredible.” i said “really, like what?” and she said “life.” “life is incredible, aki?” “yeah, that’s what i say!” then she told me “some people cant hang out with me.” why not? “because i only hang out with chloe.” thats right!!

before i left i made sure to turn her into a hipster.

i am going to NY in twelve days on bua’s book tour. IF YOU LIVE THERE I’LL SEE YOU SOOONNNN!!!!
love chloe.

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