WEBMASTERWEBMASTERWEBMASTER

bryan doesn’t like when i write in lowercase. bryan also doesn’t like to be called webmaster. but i’m just getting him back for being such a liar. i finally went to the city, finally went to his house, even brought him vegan pies, even brought my BRAND NEW digital camera and all he did was this:

STOP SLEEPING OR I AM GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING YOU OWN NOT SIT AT OCD 90 DEGREE ANGLES.

he will get up to eat pie. and look really southern.

this, however, made the trip TOTALLY worthwhile. bryan’s roommates puppy “under” is the cutest/grossest thing i have ever seen and i really wanted to put it in my mouth/dropkick it.

**SNEEZE**

ashley and under.

man, hot girls plus cute puppies really make for good photos.

cameron stopped by on his way to a “tall tee party.” priceless.

“hey derek, how do you get to bryan’s house?” “YES.” thanks, totally helpful.

under really had it in for derek’s pants.

rachael showed up looking mighty purty.

cary came and under took a liking to him.

cutest ever.

love.

cuddle puddle.

puppy puddle.

bryan and i check out some pics of cameron. amazing.

proud parents?

i love puppies. and san francisco. and my friends. and pie. and my new camera.
bye blog.
love chloe

It had been a looooong time since I’d kicked back. So last night was the perfect way to begin my Thxgiving break. Hallie’s party had everything I needed:

Exhibit A: So much manflesh. I think I saw just as much of Cameron’s scrotum as I saw of his face.

Exhibit B: So much manbreast. When Hallie said to dress up as either a slutty Indian or a slutty Pilgrim, these dudes took it seriously. Seriously.

Exhibit C: Loose-lipped bitches who give it up for free.

Awwhh yeah.

Exhibit D: Hella titties. I know I am the worst at being a feminist, but can you blame me? They were everywhere!

See? Sometimes you just need a little motorboat action. Brlrlrlllrbrbbrllrbrlr.

Exhibit E: Gorgeous specimens.

Hallie had everything she needed there too.

She’d been waiting weeks to do this.

You can call Cameron crazy, but you cannot call him historically inaccurate.
SMALL POX THUG LIFE.

I wonder what Bob wants to call him…

“Yo, Squanto! Is that a squash in your loincloth, or are you just happy to see me?”

Either Cameron spilled wine all over my feet, or I am very very NOT pregnant anymore. Grosssssssss.

I was all trigger-happy because I’m not used to having a digital camera, so this take-a-pic-of-yourself thing is new for me. But I also know that when pictures are taken of me that close, I usually look a little downssyndrome-y. So I had to cover my face a little. Plus I was trying not to catch smallpox from all the slutty WASPS running around.

Hallie knows how to bro down better than any chick I know. The closest I get is calling girls bitches.

Nick is fucking hilarious. And always laughs at my jokes, no matter how politically incorrect they are. No judgement.

Bandana bitches.

I don’t know why.

I thought maybe he was playing Santa, so I asked Karl, “If I sit on your lap and tell you what I want, will my wish come true?” and he said, “Depends what you want.” Fair enough, you creep.

Did Hallie’s wish come true?

Why, yes, I believe it did.

Oh HELLO… Francesca is a beauty.

So is Bianca. You eat that chicken, girrrrrrl!

BRO DOWN.

How is Pat so tall that his head can literally appear in photos as if from nowhere?

A lesson in opposites: FIRE and WATER, INDIAN and PILGRIM, KARL and SOBRIETY.

Where was our webmaster during all this? Digging for ice cream, of course!

Can someone let me know when my tit comes out during photo ops? Yeah, thanks.

Update? 20 minutes later, Karl’s pants are still around his ankles. I DON’T KNOW. Also Alex pointed out to me on my camera that if you zoom in on this picture, you can actually see some scrotum. Classy.

Meanwhile…

Over on the couch…

Things started to heat up…look at that suction!

D-Damnnn Francesca! Also, did you know that her ancestors came over on the Mayflower? She didn’t even have to dress up, cuz she got pilgrim in her blood. Hella authentic.

Fucking crazy person.

Then, as if things couldn’t get any better, ALEX SHOWED UP… with a mandolin and that sweet sweet smile.

Bright and early this morning, it was back to studying. Alex and I went to Village Grounds and Em stopped by to distract us with her beauty. And freckles. And stack.

We thought Alex was hard at work, but when Emily looked at his computer screen, it turns out he was just sitting there, staring at a drawing of a hot dog bearing a huge cross. Weirddddo.

GET YOUR EYES OFF OF HER. Oops, I didn’t mean to talk about her as if I own her. Lemme try and rephrase that in a less objectifying way….DON’T TOUCH IT, IT’S MINE.

This is from last night. But it is FOREVER ETCHED INTO MY MIND. And I’m bringing you ALL DOWN WITH ME…..

good party. lets do that more often.
bye blog.
love chloe.

“But,” said Edison, “why are you still in love with her, after analyzing her to this point?”
“Ah, because waking up doesn’t always bring with it forgetfulness of the dream, and man shackles himself with the links of his own imaginings,” Lord Ewald replied.
-Tomorrow’s Eve (by Villiers de l’Isle-Adam)

That’s just some food for thought. I am at work and am supposed to be writing an art history paper about this book but it keeps making me think about other things…

Oh also yesterday Bianca was demonstrating how to hit on a dude. All you gotta do it walk up to him and lick your nipple. Emily and Mike followed suit. Hey, it worked on me- I’d date any of those fools. Sorry the photos are bad I don’t have a digicam so I had to use my phone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miss Marcy! Here are some pictures from the last coupla years of my favorite chef/baker/toker/lover/wanker.

she’s basically the cutest.

especially when she’s doing some southern crooning on toppa the piano.

she moonlights as german trailer trash. but dont be fooled. svetlana is as jewish as they come. and right now i bet you she is making a joke about how i just said “come.” she’s the classiest.

but dont worry about that foul mouth. she cleans up real nice. HELLO.

i’m sure you miss sam on your birthday. but marcy, if he was here, this is what he’d be doing to you. so you’re prolly better off.

oh p.s. she also has tig ‘ole bitties. and she’ll show them to you. all you gotta do is ask. or not ask. either way it’ll happen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!
love chloe.

red vic and family weekend

i don’t know if you heard, but i’m kind of a big deal. anybody who is anybody was at my show on thursday night at the red vic on haight street. thanks to everyone who came, especially chris chu for playing my set with me and pat parra for setting the whole thing up and rocking hard. you ALL made my second gig ever waaaaaay less scary.

earlier that day i picked up my older sister ruby at the airport and brought her to the bear’s lair to meet the gang, who were all getting drunk at 1pm.

joe and kari chugging them down before class. classy.

look up furrowed brow in the dictionary and this is what you will see. hallie was pretty upset she couldn’t come to the gig that night. chris had sympathy pains.

the show!

alex told everyone he was coming but me and then suprised me with his presence and his cleanshaven face! even matt bernstein showed up. myspace is amazing.

matty and my sis.

cam always shows his support.

love.

our webmaster brought all his new friends. he’s trying to teach me a lesson by replacing me because i am too busy doing my homework to hang out. i have a counterplan though. i’m gonna become even better friends with all his new friends, who have agreed to this plan. it’s called “operation bryanwho?” (coined by derek). anyone who wants to play can join. that’ll teach him a lesson about trying to teach me a lesson.

my friends are the most beautiful most adorable most loveable friendliest prettiest (and easiest) group of ladies ever. they also all have crushes on my dad, which is weird.

so bored. by the way, alex thinks he’s moving to portland. but i have a counterplan for that one too. i’m struggling with the details, so if anyone has any ideas about how we can stop him, you can join the brain trust.

after the show i got to spend the weekend with my hilarious family. we always go on walk saround the corte madera creek. none of you guys believe that we are sisters because ruby doesn’t look asian, but it’s true. at least i think.

so we had a contest. WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE THE REAL DAUGHTER?

i think she wins.

we also had a contest for most embarrassing outfit:

victory is mine this time. i am wearing velour. also it was cold out apparently.

my sister is so pretty.

and so ridiculous.

my dad dropped hella rocks in her hood while she wasn’t looking.

how cute is my mom?

how cute is my family?

hey so we haven’t seen akira in a while and i just wanted to let you guys know that she is only getting cuter. so cute that it hurts my feelings that i am not there to see her every day. so here she is on her 2nd birthday, which is also halloween, dressed as a mouse.

oh it hurts. bye blog. love chloe.

HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN

i decided not to brave anything that night. i just wanted a relaxed, quiet, cozy, small-scale halloween. so morgan made some of us dinner at her house on russel street. little did we know that russel street is the place to be if you are a middle schooler and also a whore. emily and i could hardly get our bikes through the street because there were so many middle school whores in fishnets making out all over the place. it ruled. i mean it was weird.

morgan and caroline and justine cooked. it was a delicious vegan thanksgiving-style meal.

joe learned the hard way that you NEVER grab an alcoholic drink out of kari’s hands. also i used that red eye fixie thing on iphoto and it just made kari look cross-eyed. i’m gonna write to the iphoto people and let them know about this malfunction.

i inadvertently dressed as a smurf. i just put on my new dress and some tights but then there was no escaping it. so i ran with it.

i heard talk of some action outside so we went to investigate.

there was a drunk middle school hussie passed out on the street with firemen gathered around her. i took a good picture but ilya stepped in front of the camera. ilya says she was fine because he saw her answering questions but emmy and i are pretty sure that was just her head lolling side to side from all the alcohol poisoning.

morgan unzipped her sweatshirt and lo and behold, there was a ballerina under there. a hella hot one too.

she let me come upstairs and look at naked pictures of her. they ruled. she let me take some but they are not nakey. unfortunately for you.

this is her doing Degas’ Tiny Ballerina.

she gave me a smurf hat too. morgan is good for all kinds of things.

emily and her happyfeet. dont try and play footsie with her though, because she’ll call you on it. out loud. a lot.

i dont know what is going on here with the eye sex but i’m pretty sure its awesome and i’m pretty sure its lesbian. which is repetitive.

kari is really pretty. and single.

emily is really pretty. and single.

they are gonna be mad at me for including them in my personal ads. by the by, you guys all sucked at your responses. none of those were jokes. i didnt even laugh out loud once. but i did cry on the inside a lot. so feel good about that. jerks. love chloe.

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