baby mama

So you’ve seen my dad. He was a casanova for sure. He says that in his hayday he never went two weeks without having sex. Unfortunately, he didn’t pass that tendency on to me- he just gave me anxiety and a gummy smile. Thanks a lot dad. Anyway, his lady’s man days ended when he met my mom. This is how hot she was:

Goddamn. This is her dancing hula at a bar on Kauai called Casablanca, where my parents had their first date.

She was so pretty its weird.

Before she met my dad she was a pretty big hippie too. She bellydanced…

… and sang and danced in the Fairfax Street Choir. Thats her in the front sitting on the left. What a bunch of fucking hippies.

At least I know where I got my Asian looks from.

So then after just three months of dating my parents got married in August 1981. Ruby was born June 1982 (pretty suspect). I came two and a half years later. By accident I’m pretty sure. Here are some baby pics that I found on my pop’s computer.

Ruby played doctor. I think she was playing diagnostician, trying to figure out how my Jew parents produced a Chinese baby.

A little drool never hurt nobody.

I used to always have my hand down my shirt, saying “pinsum” (translation: pinch them). Weird. This may explain some things too. Also, note my clothes. Maybe last year wasnt the first time I dressed like a hipster.

Halloween?

Album cover methinks.

bye blog.

My Father, the Hippie

Everyone that knows my dad will agree that he’s a pretty cool guy. If you meet him, you should know that he detests being called “Mr. Roth.” He always tells my friends to address him as either “Andy” or “Doctor Professor Roth.” He is neither a doctor nor a professor. Since I’ve been blogging on his computer, I decided to look through all his photos and found some serious gems. Rummaging through your dad’s computer is a risky game, but thankfully he must hide porn really well.

Apparently dude used to ride motorcycles.

Times changed but my dad did not. He just upgraded from dead horse to live horse. He was a cowboy for a good part of the 70s.

My dad’s friend had a place out in Brazil (which may have been purchased with illicit funds). So my dad hopped on a plane and went over there to chill out for a while. Nice socks.

My dad still has that sock tan from playing tennis. Tai Chi in Brazil in 1975. What more could you want?

Well, maybe a jam session. Hopefully I look as cool as that when I perform.

He claims he didn’t do a lot of drugs once he was out of college. But these pictures look pretty suspect. Whoah man, look what I can do with mirrors!

My dad says he doesn’t know what ever happened to his friend Bill. But they did used to do things to him when he passed out. Like put newspaper hats on his head. Whoah- livin’ on the edge, daddio!

Who could have known that this little boy in Hungary, Andrash Roth, who was pretty much the living epitome of a cupie doll, would turn into…

… such a goddamn hippie.

Again- Hungary, 1940something…

… to Canada, 1979.

My oldest sister got a new boyfriend that wants to marry her, so my dad sent her this picture to show him so he’d know exactly who he was dealing with. He’s been going to the gym and pumping a lot of iron. He is apparently “hot and ripped.” Bryan’s words, not mine.

My dad sure loves having a digital camera so that he can document very serious and important moments.

Thankfully, after dating every single woman on the island of Kauai throughout the 70s and 80s, he found the one nice Jewish girl and married her.

My mom was a hottie. And all she’s asked all these years is for a good foot massage once in a while.

bye blog. hope you guys enjoyed my fam. i sure do.

1. I have been at my parents’ house in Marin a lot and now that I have access to a scanner, I am going to make some epic blog with all my film photos from the last two years. These are random recent ones but expect much more to come in the next few days…

2. I forgot to say happy birthday to EMILY NATHAN the day before yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY. For those of you that dont know her, she is my BFF and has been in Italy for a year. But she is back now and when you meet her, you will love her. And her breasts. Here they are (sneak preview).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COO I LOVE YOU!!

This was the start of our relationship. She is the only person I can stand next to and look tan.

Quintissential Emily and Chloe shot. So annoyed and yet loving.

This is at Rachael’s parents house in Claremont. They are pretty much the coolest and their house is pretty much the raddest. John and Michelle are my favorite. They make me vegan food, laugh at my racist jokes, and let me play in their hot tub with their wind-up toys.

Titties. Nice ones.

Rachael as Eve. Hottt.

Rachael turned 21. I made a vegan cake. Rachael cut my hair that night with very sharp scissors. Then she vommed and passed out. My hair is only a little uneven. Get her drunk and she’ll cut your hairs real nice. Just be careful around the eyeballs.

Rachael’s mom got her this shirt. Nice one, Michelle. Since I’m part inuit and Elise is part eskimo-dog, we reenacted.

ADRI IS THE HOTTEST.

Chris Chu hates it when people think we are brother and sister. Which Hallie’s mom does. He doesn’t think I look Asian. But he’s the only one.

My first gig. Thanks to everyone who came.

“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

I MISS ROSNERD AND SAM!! They are livin it up in Berlin. Check out Marcy’s Eurovelo blog.

bye blog. expect some awesome ones to come. like an entire exhibit of my dad in the 70s.

BORN IN JUNE BASH/CONCERT WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER. why? because EVERYONE i love was in one room at one time. AND cuz i made out. with aaron king. just editing that in to make it clear. he dont like anonymity.

Ashley came out to the bash with me. She is hot. And single. And a Leo. And likes taking walks on the beach. Seriously. You should date her.

there are no words. cameron is the best dude i know.

cary’s lookin goooood these days. sometimes when i am with him and rachie i pretend i am part of their awesome relationship. they humor me by feeling me up every so often.

my favorites.

my real favorite. alex and i are getting married when we’re like 70. here is a preview of our future life together: him being bored and me having a moustache.

when kari and i posed for this picture, a tiny drop of her beer must have dripped on my lip, absorbed, and gotten into my bloodstream through osmosis. cuz i wasnt really myself that night.

the morning benders created a rockin dance party. chris rocked so hard he disappeared.

hallie and rachael shake their rumps. badunkadunks.

Bob was there. Lookin good with his ‘stache.

Bryan was hanging loose.

anya is a babe. i wish i could say that i’d been wearing lipstick to the party.

i told jesse he was ruining my life and that i was going to kill him. he said i was channeling chelsuck. hear that, chels? i’m just tryin to make you proud.

this one time adri showed me the list of girls she would swing the other way for, and i was on it, right after milla jovovich. here are three pictures that prove how much she likes me.

…or how much i like her…

Also Priya is hella hot.

oh heyyyyyyyy.

if anyone knows where this dude is let me know. and tell him i’m single.

lovechloe

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