havent been getting out much, these are older.
sept. 29th, 2:34am
there’s nothin more soothin than rakin leaves. gently watchin them tumble over each other back and forth. getting all stuck in the prongs of the rake, feeling them crunch under your feet. usually its chilly out, brisk. the seasons are changing.
i raked the yard after garcia (my grandfather) died. we all gathered around him in alabama for 5 days before he passed. just talking to him, telling him everything was alright, letting him know we were there. he couldnt speak. he probably just felt embarrassed, he didnt like attention.
he had collapsed 10 days earlier, the culprit being a stroke. his 2nd we’d just found out, months earlier he had suffered a much less intense one that even garcia himself wouldnt have been able to notice. and then he just layed there, wide eyed, looking around the room…staring straight into you, but what felt like through you as well.
anyone who dies in a hospital like that just drowns. you just sit there till you cant breathe anymore, choking and drowning feel all the same to you at that point i think.
the worst part of the week was the hope. when my dad called and told me that i had to come to alabama i knew by his voice that he was sure…sure that i would be around for the funeral. but after i arrived we would get these daily updates from the doctor on garcia’s improvement, “is he gonna come out of it?”, “live more?” i asked? noone knew…well maybe they did.
early one morning at 4:30 we got a call from my aunt mary…grandad’s condition had worsened. we walked into the hospital room to a hysterical mary, “i didnt know what to do! I was all alone! I thought i was gonna be the only one here! mother, mother!”, she cried.
grandmother turned on the praise and worship music. we all held hands around him and stood quietly…grandmother kept repeating, “garcia it’s alright. i will be fine honey. it’s gonna be okay, its okay garcia. i love you, i will see you soon in heaven. we’re all here garcia.” we watched the sun rise.
grandmother never cried. she was the strongest out of everyone. i balled with my father, the warrior, in the hallway of the hospital. he came to console me, he held me like his child and we wept, the warrior and i.
later that day we returned home. to the house garcia built. i noticed 6 cars all crammed in the driveway. if family was visiting garcia’s house….that yard was spick n span. so i raked his leaves. i made the yard look good. i did yard work for 4 hours straight. i put everything i had into it. and i was called in for supper with bleeding hands that i hid under the table.
